Shae is 4 months

The little queen of hearts has turned 4 months on Saturday.  She seems so big on photographs, but she’s so little in real life, not even 6 kilograms.  A real little fairy.  I can’t imagine how our lives were before she arrived, but also can’t believe it’s been four months already, four months!

I think her first week at daycare went well.  It was the best week to start work with a public holiday on Wednesday, so we could have a bit of a breather!  The caregivers all said that she is so friendly and loved chatting to them and smiled frequently.  So that helps me a bit knowing that.  But it has been a tough week on us both, especially Monday and Tuesday… I’ve been crying and to me she just did not look like herself in the evenings. Someone told me that I should allow us to grief for this new change, so I’m trying to be kind to myself, I’ve been an emotional wreck although I hid it well (fake it till I make it) and I’ve been showering her with so much love so that she knows I’m not abandoning her, I’m there for her and love her oh so much.  It’s a tough transition, hard to find new routines, but it’s already going better although this morning… Monday… you can imagine.

Shae has been working hard at reaching milestones and I’m sure it’s not going to be long until she is sitting, rolling, cutting teeth etc.  She is already grasping toys much better and she can sit with a bit of support.  She has been drooling and chewing and shame those gums are really itchy… had to dose her for the first time yesterday with teething meds and paracetamol before bedtime.

Jamie calls her “my darling sweetheart”.  Isn’t that just to cute for words?  Daddy calls her “my Pretty” and I call her Shae-Shae, my little fairy, princess, oh I have so many terms of endearment, sometimes even just. “my mooiste dogtertjie”.

Happy 4 months, my little girly!

My dearest baby girl

My little princess, Shae

You are my dream come true, my daughter, my princess, my youngest little starlet. You had me at hello, it was absolutely love at first sight. No actually love at first flutter inside my tummy… or could be long before when I found out there was a little seed growing inside me.

For three months, three weeks and four days I had you almost to myself. Maternity leave with you was the best, oh we had so much fun!

We slept together.

We took hundreds of selfies with my phone.
We had nice walks when the weather was nice.
We took long, warm baths, you loved it and so did I.
Mommy sang silly songs to you.
We had fun with your toys once you got the hang of holding it.
We shopped when we had to.
We baked and cooked and cleaned together.
We formed the most special bond.
Mommy fed you milkies.
Some days you cried, but it’s okay, I was there for you.
You smiled and then you laughed.

I stared at you for hours, amazed by your perfection.
You made me cry tears of joy.
We had special times with your daddo and big brother.
Some days we were really lazy and stayed in our pajamas.
Mommy carried you in my wrap and we were so close and content.
We even threw your big brother a party and did all the baking ourselves.
We had tummy-time and practiced sitting.
We had loooong talks, mommy told you so much things and you babbled back.
We did a bit of gardening, my lavenders are blooming especially for you.
You made a few terrible nappies, but mommy dealt with it with a smile and an eeeuw.
We had cuddles and hugs and closeness.
We had kissies, if we had to count I think we would have reached a million a long time ago.

And so much more…

Mommy adores you, but you already know that. And you know what? I know how much you love me right back and it makes me love you even more. You make my heart hop, skip and jump with joy.

But now the time has come for mommy to return to work, but it will be okay, we will be okay, because we are so blessed to have each other. You are going to be well taken care of and your protective big brother will be nearby. Mommy is going to miss you every single second of the day and yes I will cry, and I have. You my angel are going to spread your wings, getting to know new people, explore a new place and new things, learn some more and you will be loved wherever you go, because you are a ray of sunshine to every single one you meet.

For a few hours of each day mommy will work to help provide for our precious family, and also to keep mommy’s brain active and developing mommy self. Nonetheless I will be there for you, when you need me I’ll be there, I promise you this.  When we’re home you and your brother will have all my attention, I’m consciously going to try to give you as much of my undivided time you (and I) will need with each other. We will make every minute count.  And weekends will be the best! I will be a working mommy, but I’m yours 110%.

I love you, my little darling princess. Be brave, embrace new adventures and keep on smiling, laughing and being such a happy girly. xoxoxoxox

My head is spinning

There is just so much going on in my life right now, I think I’m going to go mad one of these days. My sister’s wedding is in a month, it’s 4 hours drive from us and I’m making the wedding cake. I’ve increased my weightloss efforts. I have to start working in two weeks (cry, cry, cry). And a few other more minor things and did I mention I have two very demanding kids, I’m sleep deprived and oh so tired!

Shae turned 14 weeks last weeks, already 15 weeks tomorrow, so it was vaccination time again. The little princess was not impressed, first she cried her breathe away and then she started screeching like a banshee! We also had a few bad, bad nights, although there has been terrible sleep regression since she turned 3 months. She now weighs 5.5 kg and her length is 60 cm, head circumference @ 39 cm. My petite little girly. I’m dreading going back to work, not that I don’t love my work, but the guilt, the worry about how she will do at daycare, and me missing her so much will be so tough. I don’t have a choice though, so will have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Does crying burn more calories?

Jamie is going through a tough time. Defying us as far he goes, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to bath….eat….sleep….listen. Everything is a battle. Then there are the sweet moments, him picking me flowers, singing me songs, talking sweet words to Shae, holding hands and cuddling with me. We have to exercise a lot of patience and care…we’ve been extra careful to give him loads of attention since Shae’s arrival, but seems he needs even more. Pushing boundaries has become his second name… So last week we pushed back. He didn’t want to bath so we said no television until he is clean. He didn’t budge, so we didn’t either. We had a dirty little boy crying himself to sleep in my arms, but the next evening he bathed without a problem.

I love my kiddies to bits, but sjoe, they require hard work, blood, sweat and tears…not that I’d trade them for anything!