Reflection on my first year of motherhood

Tomorrow is a very special day: it’s my boy’s very first birthday. A huge milestone – for Jamie graduating from babyhood and becoming a toddler; for his dad and me – surviving the first year of parenthood and doing quite well with raising our first child; and for us as a little family – a full year of bonding and adapting to family-life.

 

When I think of this past year I have so many memories, so many words to describe it, but when it comes to the emotional aspect I don’t know where to begin… my feelings are too big, way too enormous, way too wonderful to be able to express it the way I feel it.

 

 

One year ago I became a mom, a little vulnerable baby’s mother and lifeline. A role I was very much looking forward to, but yet a new path with a lot of uncertainty and fears.

 

My pregnancy was wonderful, I enjoyed carrying this growing treasure inside of me, smiling every time that I felt him move inside of me, a little secret between the two of us. Preparing for his arrival, researching and reading up on absolutely everything, getting his room ready, seeing him on the scans, sitting with my husband and marvelling about this new precious life and dreaming of holding him… those are all fond memories.

 

… And then on the 21^st of July 2010 at 8:25 am our little star was born. I remember seeing him being lifted out of me and hearing his soft whimper and I knew I have utterly and completely lost my heart. Nothing prepared me for this unconditional love and immediate protective instinct that came over me. He bowled me over; a little 3.78kg newborn baby bowled me over.

 

Then the year flew by and my baby slowly, but surely became a boy.

 

I’ve seen my son grow and develop – his first smile, rolling over, his first laughs, sitting, crawling, walking and so many other milestones reached. This mommy’s so proud of every single achievement… actually proud is an understatement, absolutely exhilarated and out of my skin is closer to the truth.

 

Seeing his personality develop was another high of our first year. He went from a baby who could only but stare at you to a little honey who you can interact with. His sense of humour and easy-goingness is admirable. Oh and he went from a quiet baby to a little chatterbox, too cute for words! He spreads cheer wherever he goes.

 

Physically he grew in leaps and bounds too, weighing well over 10kg now and I’m in awe when I look at the photos when he was just a newborn, seeing those little hands and feet and looking at them now, able to hold hands with me and those feet that fits in nr 4 shoes! I remember him being so little when I held him in my arms, I still hold him like that, but boy he sure has grown!

 

This past year I’ve learned that motherhood, or parenthood for that matter is no walk in the park, it’s not always fun, as a matter of fact I’ve cried many a tear when I felt helpless, overtired, worried or just plain and simply overwhelmed. I remember two trips to the emergency room, a 3-day hospital stay, many GP visits, many nights holding and comforting a crying baby who’s in pain because of teething or cramps, so many worries and questions and trying to figure things out, sleepless nights and functioning like a zombie.

 

Oh yes, those memories are all real and part of being a parent, but there are more memories. There are memories of two people loving each other and holding their baby boy for a first time, memories of a beautiful baby boy’s radiant smile, cuddling together as a family, baby giggles when I tickle his feet or put on a dancing/singing broadway show to get him to eat his food, screams of joy as his daddy swings him through the air, baby’s first Christmas, the delight when he had his first cake, the warmth and absolute peace of a sleeping baby in your arms, sloppy, drooly kissies, and soft baby hugs. Oh yes, these memories are all real too and there are many more and I can assure you that these memories outweighs everything else. It puts things in perspective. It makes it all worthwhile and that’s all that matters.

 

It’s been a wonderful year, but its great knowing the best is yet to be!

 

Happy First Birthday to my little angel.

 

 

(look how much he has grown!)

I have loved you since you’ve started growing inside of me. My love for you multiplied by millions when I first saw you. Every single day I love you more. I don’t know how that is possible, but I do. My special little dude, I wish you everything that is beautiful, everything that makes you happy and I pray that God will keep you safe, all your life. May you always find the little joys in life, just like you do now and may you always keep on smiling, your smile lights up the world. Lastly, never forget how much happiness you’ve brought to your mommy and daddy, how much you mean to us.